I work in a high-rise in downtown Salt Lake City. The building is currently surrounded by construction chaos. My cubicle is located on the 9th floor, which used to be only 2 floors above the parking structure that surrounded the building on 3 sides. That is no more. The mall that I used to play in as an annoying pubescent child is no more. The really cool mall that had several levels of criss-crossing escalators is no more. Things they are a changing.
On the south side of my office building is a very large crane. It is attached into the building in a couple of places and is completely computerized. Several times a day I watch the crane glide past my window. Sometimes it’s empty and sometimes it’s carrying an object. I’ve seen generators, wood, metal beams and at least once a week a couple of port-a-pottys. Yes, you read that correctly, port-a-pottys.
However, nothing can quite compare to the view on Monday. There were five, yes folks, five port-a-pottys flying past my window. It was a sight to behold. I was on the phone with my mom and was so distracted by the vision that she had to ask me if I was still there. Oooops. I even had to chuck a small foam ball at Marty to get her attention so that she too could see the wonder of it all.
Have you ever seen five port-a-potty fly?
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Women Are Naturally Honest
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.
The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble ?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress.
The Lord was disappointed. "You lied!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney. And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed, All Us Women
The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble ?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress.
The Lord was disappointed. "You lied!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney. And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed, All Us Women
Friday, November 14, 2008
What Does That Mean?
So, my friend Marty and I were discussing the fact that we weren't exactly sure what the name of the new James Bond movie means. Quantum of Solace??? So, I asked my good friend Merriam Webster for a little assistance.
quan•tum
Pronunciation:
\kwän-təm\
Function: noun
1 a: QUANTITY , AMOUNT b: PORTION , PART c: gross quantity : BULK
solace
Function: noun
1 : alleviation of grief or anxiety 2 : a source of relief or consolation
So, according to Mirriam (we're tight) Quantum of Solace could mean -
Portion of Relief
Quantity of Consolation
Amount of Anxiety Relief
Since I haven't seen the movie, yet, I'm thinking that James is going to exact revenge on some bad dude as a way to have a portion of his grief alleviated. I know that I personally enjoy when I can exact some revenge. Mine usually occurs in my day dreams though because I don't have a way cool car or "mad skills" like my other BFF, James.
YIAM (Yes, I Amuse Myself)
quan•tum
Pronunciation:
\kwän-təm\
Function: noun
1 a: QUANTITY , AMOUNT b: PORTION , PART c: gross quantity : BULK
solace
Function: noun
1 : alleviation of grief or anxiety 2 : a source of relief or consolation
So, according to Mirriam (we're tight) Quantum of Solace could mean -
Portion of Relief
Quantity of Consolation
Amount of Anxiety Relief
Since I haven't seen the movie, yet, I'm thinking that James is going to exact revenge on some bad dude as a way to have a portion of his grief alleviated. I know that I personally enjoy when I can exact some revenge. Mine usually occurs in my day dreams though because I don't have a way cool car or "mad skills" like my other BFF, James.
YIAM (Yes, I Amuse Myself)
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Adventures In Bus Riding
Okay, I need to preface this post with - I brought this day upon myself. You see, last night I posted a comment in Facebook about being happy that I'd be on the bus today because I had icky traffic driving home Monday night. That'll teach me...
I live about 18 miles from my main office. I'm at that office 3-4 days a week and with gas prices and my SUV I try to take a "Fast" (aka commuter bus most days. Since the weather is cooling down and the road construction is clearing up I decided to walk the 1/2 mile to the bus stop this morning. I left a skooch late and then had to quickly talk to my neighbor. Guess what, I missed my bus. So I turned around and started walking back to the house.
During my walk to the bus my daughter texted me to let me know she had left her lunch cooler at her bus stop. So, I decided to walk to her bus route and just take the Max bus (less stops than a typical bus) to the light rail. So, I trudged along back the almost 1/2 mile and then another almost 1/2 mile and up hill mind you. Just before I made it to the big intersection I see the westbound bus, I need the eastbound so I'm fine with that. I got my daughters lunch cooler - amazingly no one took it.
It arrived at the stop about 7 minutes early and the bus comes every 15 minutes. Or, well, it's supposed to. I'm listening to a book on my MP3 player and I hear a crashing sound. I turn back to look at the intersection and there was a crash. One car t-boned another. I'm not sure exactly what happened, the impact had to have been pretty good because the car that got hit on the drivers side has spun 180 degrees. Eeek! Traffic was having a hard time getting through the intersection because the cars were blocking it a bit.
Just before the bus arrived (9 minutes late I might add) several Sheriffs showed up and were able to get the least damaged car out of the intersection. I hop on the bus and should have known things weren't going to go well - it was a trainee driver. He pulls into the intersection stutters a little and then goes. Well, he apparently ran a red light and the Sheriff actually pulled us over. Just gave the driver a talking to but that added about 3 more minutes to our tardiness.
Within a few miles, the traditional bus (the route that stops every 500 feet) catches up with us. A minute or two after that the bus that should be 15 minutes behind us starts catching us. I was in a seat facing backward and was quite entertained. Eventually, we stopped picking up new riders and just let the bus 1/4 mile behind us handle that job. Then, the "trainer" started asking people where they needed to get off, she was hoping to trim some of the stops but wasn't very successful. We actually ended up getting "lapped" by the other Max bus. It arrived at the Trax (light rail) station about 2 minutes ahead of us and I missed the Trax by about... 2 minutes.
Needless to say, I was a little nervous to take the bus home tonight. I was worried that things could only continue downhill. But, my worries were unecessary. The ride home was markedly uneventful. Thank heaven!
I live about 18 miles from my main office. I'm at that office 3-4 days a week and with gas prices and my SUV I try to take a "Fast" (aka commuter bus most days. Since the weather is cooling down and the road construction is clearing up I decided to walk the 1/2 mile to the bus stop this morning. I left a skooch late and then had to quickly talk to my neighbor. Guess what, I missed my bus. So I turned around and started walking back to the house.
During my walk to the bus my daughter texted me to let me know she had left her lunch cooler at her bus stop. So, I decided to walk to her bus route and just take the Max bus (less stops than a typical bus) to the light rail. So, I trudged along back the almost 1/2 mile and then another almost 1/2 mile and up hill mind you. Just before I made it to the big intersection I see the westbound bus, I need the eastbound so I'm fine with that. I got my daughters lunch cooler - amazingly no one took it.
It arrived at the stop about 7 minutes early and the bus comes every 15 minutes. Or, well, it's supposed to. I'm listening to a book on my MP3 player and I hear a crashing sound. I turn back to look at the intersection and there was a crash. One car t-boned another. I'm not sure exactly what happened, the impact had to have been pretty good because the car that got hit on the drivers side has spun 180 degrees. Eeek! Traffic was having a hard time getting through the intersection because the cars were blocking it a bit.
Just before the bus arrived (9 minutes late I might add) several Sheriffs showed up and were able to get the least damaged car out of the intersection. I hop on the bus and should have known things weren't going to go well - it was a trainee driver. He pulls into the intersection stutters a little and then goes. Well, he apparently ran a red light and the Sheriff actually pulled us over. Just gave the driver a talking to but that added about 3 more minutes to our tardiness.
Within a few miles, the traditional bus (the route that stops every 500 feet) catches up with us. A minute or two after that the bus that should be 15 minutes behind us starts catching us. I was in a seat facing backward and was quite entertained. Eventually, we stopped picking up new riders and just let the bus 1/4 mile behind us handle that job. Then, the "trainer" started asking people where they needed to get off, she was hoping to trim some of the stops but wasn't very successful. We actually ended up getting "lapped" by the other Max bus. It arrived at the Trax (light rail) station about 2 minutes ahead of us and I missed the Trax by about... 2 minutes.
Needless to say, I was a little nervous to take the bus home tonight. I was worried that things could only continue downhill. But, my worries were unecessary. The ride home was markedly uneventful. Thank heaven!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Bathing Suits are Evil
I got this from a friend and thought I'd share. Just another reason to be glad that summer is quickly coming to an end.
*********************************
When I was a child, the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.
The mature woman has a choice-she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia or she can wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.
The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had disappeared!
Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.
The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.
The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, there you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit.
I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.
I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.
I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a shorts style bottom and a loose blouse-type top.
It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured. When I got home I found a label which read -- 'Material might become transparent in water.'
So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too. I'll be the one in cut off jeans and a t-shirt!
*********************************
When I was a child, the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.
The mature woman has a choice-she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia or she can wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.
The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had disappeared!
Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.
The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.
The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, there you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit.
I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.
I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.
I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a shorts style bottom and a loose blouse-type top.
It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured. When I got home I found a label which read -- 'Material might become transparent in water.'
So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too. I'll be the one in cut off jeans and a t-shirt!
Summer Vacation
This summer I took a little vacation with my friend, Kathy, and my daughter, Nicole. We went to Cedar City to see the Shakespeare Festival. We enjoyed seeing five plays in 3 days. On day four of our trip, we drove up the canyon to Cedar Breaks and hiked out to the point.
That's Kathy on the left and Nicole's backside on the right.
We then went on another hike to a waterfall. The water is actually coming out of an old lava tube. The photo on the left is part of the trail we hiked. As you can see, at times it was no more than an animal track on the side of the mountain. It was an adventure, but it was fun. I'm out of shape, so I kept up moving at a slower pace.
Then, after we were sufficiently sunburned, we drove to St George and saw Les Miserables at Tuacahn. Tuacahn is an outdoor theatre. The "back wall" is a large red rock bluff. It's beautiful but in July it's also quite hot.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Card Candy
This is another swap I created for VC Rocks. The "candy" is adhered to a 5.5" x 8.5" sheet of transperancy film. They're adhered with glue dots. My mistake? I used major sticky glue dots so once I stuck them down there was no moving them. (hee hee) Lesson learned!
These were lots of fun to make but they were a bit of work as well. I ran out of supplies so I couldn't even make a set to keep. I plan on recreating them though, 'cause I love the way they turned out.
I used lots of different punches, and stamps and lots of dimensionals. The item in the bottom center has 1/16" holes punched into each scallop. The scallop in the top right corner has notches cut out of each scallop. The leaves were cut freehand. I first folded a strip of paper in half and ran it through the crimper diagonally. Then cut the leaf shapes and inked them to emphasize the "texture".
Recipe:
Stamps: Paisley background, Stitched background, Always, Boho Backgrounds, Little Flowers, One of a Kind
Papers: Regal Rose, So Saffron, Certainly Celery, Chocolate Chip, Very Vanilla
Punches: Five Petal, Scallop Circle, Large & Small tag, lots of circles (I can't remember the exact sizes)
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